While Naked

40 hours without sleep is horrible.
But it makes you recognize hidden truths about earth. About people.
People are beautiful, and sometimes I wish I could remove everything from earth that did not matter. I would be left with people.

Bought a 60 gig panasonic 50x optical zoom video camera today (for the trip, mostly). Also, a sweet onezy with glow-in-the-dark dinosaurs.

Also manned up to some things this weekend. Miscommunicated a lot in the process. Oh well. Not that I don't care, I deeply care, but my seriousness about affairs that I think I have control over (even though I don't) has destroyed my heart in the past. External affairs beyond my decision should not alter my love and heart for Christ and my direct mission of love for people....

Been chilling in the union for hours and hours, studying for finals tomorrow but frequently distracting myself with conversations with Kate and Blake, because they are two of the most gorgeously authentic people I know.

About to go buy tons of food for our trip with my remaining campus flex dollars at the C-Store. Non-perishable items I guess: pop-tarts, chips, snack foods, the like. Unhealthy things.

Midnight (40 minutes from now), everyone will be screaming from their dorm windows because of some weird Messiah tradition. I'll go stand outside and appreciate stuff.

Got my hair cut (really, really short). Kate asked me if I felt naked. I said not really, just cold. Then later I realized that yes, I feel naked. Not so much in the physical sense, but I could always hide behind my hair. I could refuse eye contact, I could guard my heart instead of always offering a piece of myself to people that may destroy it. Now I have no option but to be authentic, exposed, transparent.

Katina gave me The Art of Happiness by the number one US psychiatrist and the Dalai Lama. I have benefited a lot from it. She also told me much about how to appreciate a rainbow, we gotta suffer a storm. We gotta endure and observe great patience.

My life has been about patience.
I think that's what people refer to when they say, "my life sucks."

Many more ideas racing through me, but they will appear in blog form in the future. You know, like when I have time to write things. When I have time to breathe and reflect and love.

I must make time to love.
I'm being dangerously scientific.
And selfish about selflessness.

EDIT:
People are the only healing thing (no matter what pills I take)
I'm so self righteous.
My outward tranquility is a direct distortion of my inner turmoil.